One of the very first websites I made was lilybruns.com on Wordpress. It was basically a glorified resume lacking real personality and the content was designed to make me seem like an adult but I think I also downplayed myself in a way that wasn’t very self-loving. Looking at it now, I can practically feel the insecurity leaping off the page.
Fast forward a couple years with this relaunch and well, 1) screw Wordpress, it sucks - static-generated sites forever!!! Yay! but also 2) wow, I clearly give far fewer fucks about what other people think about me these days, even potential clients (she says as she swears effusively and with great abandon).
When I was writing up content for my site this time around, I gave myself permission to not take myself too seriously and to express my humor and personality, and to not limit myself to presenting a purely professional persona.
After all, this is lilybruns.com, it’s about me, and I am so much more than just what my “work face” ought to be. I have put a lot of myself into my projects over the last couple years and I’ve been amazed by how accepting people are when I put my whole self out there. It’s been, literally, life-changing (and I do mean literally because I’m one of those pedants).
As for the people that don’t like the whole me or treat me differently because they disapprove? Frankly, I don’t need that energy in my life. There are better people out there, friends or clients (or both!) for me to waste much of my time on them. The universe is a bountiful place and with just one life to live, you save your energy for the people that vibe on the same wavelength. You do you boo boo, I’m here doing me, and it’s going great.
I’m sweary, I’m opinionated and I don’t hold back just because not everything I have to say is positive. I’m indulgently intellectual, I’m silly, and I make far too many references to pop-culture and sci-fi. I’m also empathetic and caring and I do my best to help channel my friends’, partners’ and clients’ insecurities, doubts and concerns in a productive way that gives them space to do what they need to do to process while keeping the ball rolling.
I think that’s pretty fucking cool and I’m quite proud of myself for this. I am a far from perfect human being, but I have learned how to embrace vulnerability and bring empathy into my relationships, and I don’t think I could ever have predicted the person I would become.
When I reflect on the journey that got me to this place of security, confidence, and love for both myself and those around me, it’s hard to connect the threads and understand all the different steps and stages of growth, but I know intuitively that I even could get here because I have been so loved. Whether it’s my family, both my direct relations as well as the slightly more distant ones whom I’ve had the blessing to get to know in the last few years, my friends, my sharing circle (y’all ladies know who you are!), I have been shown so much love and kindness and that has given me room to grow into the person I am now.
Loud and obnoxious and sometimes wildly inappropriate, but energetic and in love with life and convinced of its infinite possibilities.
It is with confidence and joy that I share with you, on the internet, for the whole world to see, what I am working on and what I think of it. Just getting this real and this open in such a forum gives me the willies and makes me want to barf a little (from the nerves and from the high levels of cheesy sincerity), but I’ve learned that vulnerability is a practice, so I’m pushing through.
I have to say this also feels so indulgent to just talk about me, me, me, but fuck it, it’s my website. Where else do I need to ask permission from no one but myself?
Anyways, in introducing the world my to my new “public” face I guess I just want to share a bit of my journey and I want to also say thank you.
May all the love and joy you give to the world come back to you as it has for me. Namaste bitches <3